


The Mutant Kwanzaa Carol

by heyjupiter



Category: X-Men - All Media Types, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Christmas, Gen, Hanukkah, Holidays, Kwanzaa, M/M, muppets - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-14
Updated: 2013-12-14
Packaged: 2018-01-04 15:49:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1082866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyjupiter/pseuds/heyjupiter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Professor Lehnsherr reveals his distaste for <em>The Muppet Christmas Carol</em>, the students protest his lack of Christmas spirit. As if that weren't enough, later that night he finds himself visited by three spirits with an important message for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Mutant Kwanzaa Carol

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pocky_slash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pocky_slash/gifts).



"C'mon, Professor Lehnsherr, it's our Christmas Eve tradition," Jean said.

"Can't it be tradition without me?" Erik asked. 

"The tradition is that we all watch it together," Darwin said. "All of us."

"I don't remember this last year," Erik said.

"Last year you were in Geneva for that conference, darling," Charles said. "And the year before that was Toronto, I believe. This is the first year in quite some time that you've been at the school for the holidays."

"Hmm. How about that?" Erik said, regretting that he hadn't submitted any presentation proposals this year.

"It _is_ tradition," Charles said gently.

Erik said, "Well, _tradition_ , why didn't you say so before? Of course I would be _delighted_ to watch _A Christmas Carol_ with you all."

" _The Muppet Christmas Carol_ ," Jean corrected. 

Erik fought unsuccessfully to keep a grimace off his face and said, "Ah, yes. The Muppets."

"The Muppets," Charles said, but he sounded much happier about it.

 _Am I allowed to drink during this?_ Erik privately asked Charles.

_Yes, darling, I'll spike your cocoa._

_Thank G-d._

Charles kept his word, delivering a mug to Erik before parking his wheelchair at the end of the sofa. Erik sat next to Charles, and took a gulp of schnapps-laden cocoa. Jean made a show of using her telekinesis to hit play, and Erik's ears were filled with the irritating, jingling sounds of Christmas music.

The kids loved it and sang along with every song. Charles joined in, too, and Erik felt like he'd arrived from another planet. The movie itself was a fairly accurate retelling of Dickens's novel, so at least they were learning something about literature, he supposed. The problem was that Erik thought _A Christmas Carol_ was a cloying novel. He much preferred _A Tale of Two Cities_. 

And he couldn't believe Charles, brilliant Charles, was laughing so hard at these slapsticky puppets. It wasn't as if Erik didn't have a sense of humor. He enjoyed the works of Oscar Wilde, for example. Why couldn't the school have an annual tradition of gathering to watch _The Importance of Being Earnest_?

Around the time when Scrooge was visiting Christmas Past, Erik slipped out for more peppermint schnapps. "Professor Lehnsherr, will you bring us some more cookies?" Jean asked.

Erik knew better than to suggest that perhaps the kids have already had enough sugar, but he did silently bring a stainless steel bowl of Clementine oranges back along with the cookies and liquor.

"Thanks," Jean said. Telepathically she said, _It's okay if you don't like this movie. I know you're Jewish._

Erik blinked. _My religious background has nothing to do with my distaste for schmaltz._

_I just meant, we could all watch a Chanukah movie too, if you want. To keep things equal._

_No, thank you._ Erik shuddered at the thought.

Jean gave him a mental shrug and returned her focus to the film, which thankfully ended before too much longer. When it ended, Sean said, "Look at Professor Lehnsherr's face. That movie did _not_ get him in the Christmas spirit."

"Sean, that's rude," Scott replied. "You know Professor Lehnsherr is Jewish."

"Hey, Jews love the Muppets too," Kitty said.

Erik sighed and said, "The puppets are fine. I merely resent the implication that a person should only be generous one day a year."

"That's not what _A Christmas Carol_ is about," Jean said.

"Oh? Then what?"

"I mean, just… you know, family is important, and you should spend time with them… and that's the most important part of the holiday season?" Jean said.

Erik shook his head. "Dickens was a social reformer. His other works express greater concern for the plight of the impoverished during all times of the year. Imagine a world where the Cratchit family had access to health care as a matter of course, rather than depending on the whims of their employer and some ghosts."

"Well… yeah, okay, but… Muppets," Sean said.

Erik shook his head. "Charles, I think perhaps next semester we should start a debate team at this school. The students need to sharpen their rhetorical skills."

"I don't know, Erik, I think 'but Muppets' could win a debate," Charles said.

Erik turned to roll his eyes at Charles, who laughed and said, "I certainly take your point that we should strive to be kind and generous all twelve months of the year, but… Muppets."

"Bah, humbug," Erik said. The students laughed, and Erik said, "Thank you all for inviting me to be part of your tradition, but now I'm going to start my own tradition."

"We already did Chanukah," Kitty said. "It was early this year."

"I'm aware of that. I'm referring to a new secular tradition, where I sit quietly in my office while you all watch puppets."

"Muppets, darling. Muppets. With an M," Charles said.

"Whatever," Erik said. "Good night, children. Remember that the terrifying Elf on a Shelf is watching over your every move."

He was sitting up in bed reading _Scientific American_ when Charles joined him and got ready for bed. 

"Thank you for watching the movie with us," Charles said, after he transferred himself from his wheelchair to the bed. "I know the children appreciated your efforts at Christmas spirit."

"I have no Christmas spirit," Erik said. "I'm suffused with exactly as much goodwill toward man as I am the other eleven months of the year."

"Yes, well… you sat on the sofa for nearly all of the film, and that counts for something."

"I'm delighted to hear that."

"Oh, don't be cross, darling. I really did want to thank you for joining us this year. I know you don't care about Christmas itself, but it does mean something to the students to have you here. And to me as well."

Erik put the magazine on the nightstand and kissed Charles. Before long, he fell asleep with his arms around Charles, all his Muppet-induced annoyance faded to a distant memory. 

Then he sat up in bed and said, "Who's there?" 

"I am the spirit of Kwanzaa Past," a voice said.

Erik looked down at Charles, who was still sleeping soundly. He reached out with his powers and turned on the light. A ghostly figure in a dashiki stood before him. "Jean? Are you playing a joke on me? Go back to bed."

"This is no joke. I am here to teach you the true meaning of Kwanzaa."

"That seems unnecessary."

"Look now, Erik, what do you see?" the spirit asked. Erik looked forward and saw a vision of himself as a child, spinning a dreidel with his mother.

"That's me as a child. That must have been the last Chanukah before my mother died," he said wistfully.

The spirit nodded. "Yes. But what did you and your family do to commemorate Kwanzaa?"

Erik coughed. "It's my understanding that Kwanzaa is a holiday for African-Americans to celebrate their African heritage."

"That's correct. So what did you do for it?"

"Ah. Well. My family, not being African-American, never saw fit to celebrate Kwanzaa, I suppose."

The spirit said, "And you believe that's acceptable?"

"I mean, I certainly support others who want to celebrate Kwanzaa. I just… don't think it's appropriate for me to celebrate it. Being white and Jewish."

The spirit shook his head sadly. "Very well, Erik. I've tried my best." He waved his ghostly hand and vanished, along with the image of Erik's childhood.

Erik rolled his eyes, turned the light off, and went back to sleep, only to shortly be awoken by another spirit.

"Jambo, Erik. I'm the Spirit of Kwanzaa Present," she said.

"I really think you should be visiting someone else. Someone African-American, maybe?" Erik said.

"That's a very reductive point of view. Here, what do you see?" She waved her hand and showed Erik a vision.

"It's Ororo and Darwin lighting their Kwanzaa candles."

"Correct. Do you know what that candle signifies?"

"I don't know. Something about celebrating traditional African values? Why aren't I being quizzed about Chanukah? That's the holiday I observe."

The spirit ignored him and continued, "The black center candle represents unity."

"Oh. That's… nice."

"Indeed. Wouldn't it be _nice_ if you felt a sense of unity with all your mutant brothers and sisters? Not just the white ones?"

"I… do Ororo and Darwin _want_ me to celebrate Kwanzaa with them? Are you sure this isn't a prank?"

"This is not a prank!" the spirit snapped. "Have you ever asked Ororo and Darwin if they'd like you to participate?"

"Well, no. But they never invited me. And they look perfectly happy here," Erik said, gesturing at the vision. "Also, Kwanzaa starts on December 26th. This isn't the present."

"Fine! I'm the spirit of Kwanza Very-Near-Future. Are you happy?"

"Not really. I'd be much happier if you'd let me go back to sleep."

The spirit sighed. "Well, I tried my best," she said, and vanished. 

Erik closed his eyes and waited for a visit from a third spirit, and sure enough, a ghostly being of ambiguous gender appeared in the bedroom, wrapped from head to toe in kente cloth. "Erik, do you know who I am?" they asked.

"The Spirit of Kwanzaa Future?"

"I prefer, 'Spirit of Kwanzaa Yet to Come.' It sounds more dramatic," the spirit said. 

"Oh. Sorry," Erik said.

The spirit nodded. "I accept your apology," they said grandly. "Now, look at this vision I have brought for you."

Erik looked out into the darkness and saw older versions of Ororo and Darwin lighting a Kwanzaa candle with a few younger black mutants, who Erik didn't recognize.

"Is this the Kwanzaa you'd like to see in the future?" the spirit demanded.

"I… I suppose so? They look happy enough."

"Erik! We spirits have been trying to teach you _unity_ , the most important value of Kwanzaa. There is still time for you to change your ways and become a better ally to black mutants! They need your support, Erik."

"Oh. Well, I… I suppose you have a point."

"And not just at Kwanzaa! All year round, you need to support and encourage African-American culture here at the school, if you're going to truly embrace the diversity of the mutant community! Heed my warning, Erik!" 

"I will," Erik said. "I will!" 

The spirit nodded. "Joyous Kwanzaa, Erik Lehnsherr," they said, and vanished. 

Erik gasped and woke up. He looked around the room and saw no spirits or ghostly visions. The digital clock on the nightstand showed him that it was 6:00am on December 25th. "It was just a dream," he mumbled. "I guess I _should_ read up on Kwanzaa, though."

Next to him, Charles gasped and sat up in bed. He looked over at Erik and said, "Oh, Erik, I had a dream… I… I understand the true meaning of Chanukah now."

"How strange. I had a dream about Kwanzaa."

"The celebration of African-American heritage?"

"Yes, liebling, but I think we should read up on it. Now. Are the children awake? Is there time to make coffee before Christmas madness?"

Charles closed his eyes for a moment and nodded. "They're all still asleep. For now."

"A greater miracle than the oil of the Maccabees. I'll be right back, then. Shall I bring you some tea in bed?"

"That would be the greatest Christmas gift of all."

"HaShem bless us, every one," Erik said.


End file.
